Dude, you are so loved. Your pain, your suffering right now feels final and how you will always be. I promise you: it isn't true. Life is full of possibility. We have all had dark moments, rely on friends and family when you're at these lows. It doesn't feel this way right now, but it will be okay.
If you can't trust yourself or your own judgement right now, trust all of us. We're here for you anytime dude. DM any of us. We will help you.
Just to echo what others are saying you really are valued here. I don't post nearly as much but when I am on here I always look for your reviews and opinions. I think you have been a big part of the community and anyone of us would be here to talk if you need someone.
I agree, we love you around here Numbers! People are often their own worst enemy and sometimes it all feels like it's crushing down on you and there's no way out, but there always is. There are people who love you.
You can talk to us, on these threads, PMs, whatever you want. We're here for you.
If you need to vent, share your story with someone, get some advice or just talk, please write me back. I've been through dark times and I know how close the edge can feel. You don't have to make any big choices right now, just take a small step and write me or anyone else on this forum back.