Charlie does the more obvious shitty things that are crucial to the downfall of the marriage, and all in all, are pretty unforgivable. And it’s probably why people trick themselves into thinking he’s either the “villain” or someone to be pitied for being pushed into perpetually paying a price too high for his sins (not really but maybe you get me). He cheats, he takes Nicole for granted, and is self absorbed enough to not consider her agency, her perspective. He runs his mouth and says foul shit. And despite loving her, does, for at least some time, see her as an extension of himself, furthering their time by promising her things she would never get. He’s uncompromising. That’s cruel. But this cruelty brings out of Nicole the more sinister underlying tendencies in her - she feigns blissful ignorance with the whole “let’s let the lawyers do their thing” as if being unaware she made the first step of bringing in cutthroat lawyers who were about to fuck their shit up simultaneously as she still maintained a friendly and amicable presence in private. She’s also genuinely the worse parent here, subtly feeding into her son’s unhealthy behavior, subtly alienating her son from his father almost immediately as the divorce papers are served. She is seen just smiling and not doing shit when Henry clings onto her arm, refusing to let go and spend time with Charlie. Then just keeps indulging in that same unhealthy reward habit, promising a reward, setting up the precedent for the kid to think time with his dad is something he has to endure to get something he wants. And while you can argue Driver’s character does leave you wondering if he truly gaslighted her, because it seems like an actual plausibility, Nicole, despite being an actual victim of his shitty behavior, shuts down and gives the impression of someone who never really even attempts to communicate, choosing to internalize everything until the big explosion. She... does kind of self victimize herself. That is... honestly, messy as fuck. It’s a circle of broken behavior, perpetuating itself by both fanning the flames
But they are human beings, not a sum of all of their mistakes, and the film does accurately portray them as such. There are no actual, tangible villains here. Except for the scummy lawyers lol. But stuff just doesn’t work sometimes and idk what else to say. I guess the silver lining here and most hurtful thing at the same time is their capacity to learn and improve upon the things they each thought they lacked - not by working through the issues “together” and staying, but putting an end to their marriage.