My Feature Length Script - in need of feedback

For those that have dreams of making films!

Moderator: Erik

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I'm hoping to get some feedback on a feature length script I wrote fairly recently. (genre: post apocalyptic drama). I'm not so much looking for pats on the back but straight forward criticism so I can fix what is wrong with it in the next draft. If you need me to return the favor, I will gladly read your script in exchange and will be honest in my criticism.

I would also prefer to hear back from older forum members, college age and above. I understand the majority of forum members are teenagers, and I have no disrespect for any of you. I would just prefer to hear back from older readers

Here is a link to the pdf file:
It is on the bottom of the page.
http://www.pdf-archive.com/2012/01/29/w ... ken-me.pdf

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Downloaded, but I got 3 requests to help out/give opinions on scripts in the last 2 days and that's on top of my own projects (I got 3 running myself), so it might take a while before I get to read it.
David emerges from the store slowly. He braces himself against a parked car and then keeps on walking in a nightmarish daze.

WE PULL BACK as David blends in with dozens and dozens of ordinary people, walking on an ordinary street, in an ordinary city.

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Erik wrote:Downloaded, but I got 3 requests to help out/give opinions on scripts in the last 2 days and that's on top of my own projects (I got 3 running myself), so it might take a while before I get to read it.
Cool, if you would like me to return the favor and read something of yours, let me know.

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Well actually, I am (slowly) writing a script entitled "The Incident". My idea was to ask some people to read it when it's finished. You would have been one of the people I'd ask! :)

It is still far away by the way. I am currently writing something else first that got a little more priority.
David emerges from the store slowly. He braces himself against a parked car and then keeps on walking in a nightmarish daze.

WE PULL BACK as David blends in with dozens and dozens of ordinary people, walking on an ordinary street, in an ordinary city.

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Joined: February 2011
Read the first ten pages (the basic law of screenplay reading, if the first ten pages don't grab you, then the writer has failed). It intrigues me, so I'll give it a full read over the next few days and let you know what I think.

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Mason wrote:Read the first ten pages (the basic law of screenplay reading, if the first ten pages don't grab you, then the writer has failed). It intrigues me, so I'll give it a full read over the next few days and let you know what I think.
Cool, thanks. I personally don't feel that the first 10 pages are as interesting as the next 10.

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Like it so far :thumbup:

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Any more takers out there?

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Brendan M. wrote:Any more takers out there?
Guess I'll take that as a no.

:neutral:

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I'm halfway through it right now. So far, so good. No real comments.
The story seems to develop slowely, but quite well.

I'll probably finish it tomorrow.
David emerges from the store slowly. He braces himself against a parked car and then keeps on walking in a nightmarish daze.

WE PULL BACK as David blends in with dozens and dozens of ordinary people, walking on an ordinary street, in an ordinary city.

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