you're welcome! by the way I was amazed by the multi-cultural aspect of yours: a english-speaking man from the german speaking part of Switzerland nice to meet you, I'm from Morocco btw

Shaman wrote:you're welcome! by the way I was amazed by the multi-cultural aspect of yours: a english-speaking man from the german speaking part of Switzerland nice to meet you, I'm from Morocco btw

Thanks

Well I came up with some ideas, I read your comments again I tried to combine these in my screenplay. Here are the things I'm working on now:

1. I added more characters. A girlfriend and the best friend of the protagonist, so far.

2. I tried to get deeper into the main character with having him explain things (How does it feel if he knows that's the situation I dreamed about?) and show more scenes in which he realises it (in everyday situations like shopping etc.)

3. He struggles with this through his life, but he never told anyone. He tells his girlfriend and she tries to help him overcome this condition. (I think this is a part of getting more into the main character).

I'm not the best writer and I'm pretty new when it comes to "getting deeper in the character" and stuff, so please tell me what you think of these ideas.

Thanks

Hey, I worked on the screenplay. It is now 16 pages long, I think it's way better than the first script I posted her. So here's the screenplay, I would be very happy if you read it and tell me what you think of it. Thanks

http://www.mediafire.com/?eoz5rca6c1y12yp

MWalls wrote:Hey, I worked on the screenplay. It is now 16 pages long, I think it's way better than the first script I posted her. So here's the screenplay, I would be very happy if you read it and tell me what you think of it. Thanks

http://www.mediafire.com/?eoz5rca6c1y12yp

I've read it (even though I shouldn't have, I should study ).

Here are my critics (yeahk, I know, I keep complaining):

• I've found there is a bit too much useless repetition, for example, I don't understand the need for 4 episodes where we see his foreseeing skills (Inception, football match, chips advertising and he making love with Mary)
• IMO there's too much VO's as well, for example "I don’t remember if I was more scared or surprised, but from that day, I started to believe in myself." is rather useless or "I have never lied to Mary, and this morning, it was no different. I had to tell her the truth." too. Idk, for me it is a bit too much
• I still don't like the ending. This time I cared about James but -returning to the comparison with Inception- Inception's was an open ending, but it was an ending. Yours just feels like you've stopped you screenplay in the middle of the action, not like it was an ending...

Anyway, I did like it and this time was by far better than the first attempt


PS: Yeah! I've just become a shade!

Thanks for reading it Andrea!