NolanFans Advice/Support Thread

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Cilogy wrote:so basically, live a lie?

fantastic

^that is some beautiful youtube clip usage :clap:

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Cilogy wrote:so basically, live a lie?

fantastic
No. Now, I know that I've been scarce around these parts but I'm still going to pedal my fingers in hopes that you'll listen.

I know this is "just the internet", but you have qualities apparent to those of us who frequent the site. We're not asking you to live a lie. A lot of us are pretty fucking cool. A lot of us have felt like shit. It's all what you focus on. That's it. I've had some really dark times in the past few months, and it's up to the focus of one's mind to get out of it.

Hopefully Lord Vader can pardon me if I'm paraphrasing him incorrectly, but what he was saying is that people will treat you how you act. Life will treat you how you act. It builds upon itself for good, or bad. You feel like shit? I'm truly sorry. (No sarcasm, I am. I'm one of the luckiest assholes alive that I have someone that snaps me out of my shit when I get in it).

Law is blunt as can be but he has a point. Not to speak for him, but I'm willing to bet he's blunt out of a really strong like, if not actually love. Probably love. Hopefully Law can pardon me if I'm adding to his posts incorrectly.

What I'm saying is nothing you haven't heard before, and I mostly think myself a fool for thinking that repeating it will help you. I don't know what else to put out there. PM me if you wish.

I've been deeply depressed and I know how fucking infuriating it is when people tell you just to "make an effort" or just "be happy". It's annoying. What I'm typing is annoying. Bottom line is that I believe that life is beautiful and worth living, even in the darkest moments. It appears to me that people think the same and want you to think the same.

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wtf i've started this bullshit in like 4 different threads

i;m so sorry

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Cilogy wrote:wtf i've started this bullshit in like 4 different threads

i;m so sorry
no brah. a man's happiness is more important than some threads.

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mchekhov 2: Chek Harder wrote:
Pratham wrote:
mchekhov 2: Chek Harder wrote:sites like tumblr and reddit are cancer because they constantly reinforce the notion that everyone is awkward and lonely, which will absolutely have an effect on you if that's what you surround yourself with
I've always felt like that. Way before I was using Internet. But I'm comfortable like that. I won't speak unless absolutely necessary. Even then, I'll stick to talk related to work.

Also, I hate tumblr.
tumblr was just one example. the point being you won't gain confidence in an environment that dwells on people's faults.
mchekhov 2: Chek Harder wrote:(On the flip side, I honestly can't say enough about surrounding yourself with extroverted people).
Pratham wrote:I'm sorry, I don't get this. Are you saying that you can't say enough positive things or negative things about surrounding oneself with extroverted people because there are so many?
positive. again, people are products of their environment. if you associate with extroverted people you can really learn from them and your confidence will naturally develop.
mchekhov 2: Chek Harder wrote:the best thing you can do is to cut that mentality out of your life. remember that you're in complete control of how you present yourself.
Pratham wrote:I'm trying on that but several failures (academic & economical, some of them are ongoing) set me back by several steps. Also, I'm controlling how I present myself, but I can't control how other people perceive me.
people's perception of you is based on the way you present yourself. that being said, when someone is more confident in themselves, they rely less on the validation of others, so what others think becomes less of a concern.
I don't think reddit harms me, at least not more that what happens in real life. I stick to subreddits which I find interesting and if I think if a subreddit is shit, I unsubscribe. (unsubscribed from default subreddits advise animals, atheism, aww and funny)

I live in a society that dwells on people's faults. Whenever I hear what people around me are talking, I realise that almost all of them are religionists / casteists (like racists in US), xenophobes, homophobes, sexists and therefore, I choose to keep interaction with such people as less as possible. Heck, I'd rather spend a day in front of my computer than with people like that. This is the reason why I don't go to parties or picnics with people like this. I don't like the music they listen to, I don't like the topics these people talk about and I KNOW I won't have fun with these people because my definition of fun is different than theirs. These people are extroverted and rowdy and I'd rather not surround myself with them.

That being said, I will be confident an talk if it is related to work (in office) or study (in college). I will certainly talk to people who are not like the ones I just described.

I know I can control people's perception of me to certain extent and this is my way to control it. I'd rather be 'an uptight guy who is good at his work' than 'a freak on a high horse'.

Please note that this post is strictly about my social and professional life. Now, love and sex is totally different and difficult ball game in India and I'm not in mood to discuss why it is so.

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Vader182 wrote:
mchekhov 2: Chek Harder wrote:
Dodd wrote: NEIN!
yah, people of similar intro/extrovertedness will be drawn to eachother
not to mention we're psychologically drawn to people we think are of similar status to our self image. It's why attractive people tend to have attractive friends, or why people mostly date within "their league." This is especially true of measured academic/professional success.


-Vader
Maybe we've had different experiences - there are undoubtedly social groups within any institution you come across but since getting to university, I've found that they are no longer based on superficial things like looks, and more based on personality, and as I've said before, I've seen guys get with girls way out of their league just by being confident - since being at uni I've especially found that having confidence is the main thing that'll get you somewhere and not what league you're in looks wise. Although I guess your personality is reflected in aspects of your looks like dress sense anyway.

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christophmac wrote:
Vader182 wrote:It's a psychological fact if you tell yourself bad things constantly, you'll feel shitty, act shitty, and people probably won't like you. If you constantly tell yourself you're awesome and start to believe it, your self-image will be projected on the people around you. The irony is that the less you care about what others think, the more others will probably be drawn to you.


-Vader
Boom, truth. Hate to use this as an example but I've seen guys who have girlfriends way out of their so called 'league' just for having natural (emphasising natural cos no one likes someone who's fake) confidence. The concept of social 'leagues' only really exists in school anyway.
Can someone confirm this? I'm not being all depressed or whatever, I'm seriously wanting to discuss it, for anyone who's open to that right now.

I've never really fully not cared about what other people think, so I have little experience here. Does it really draw other people to you? I haven't consciously done it before, so it could be worth trying.

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Cilogy wrote: Can someone confirm this? I'm not being all depressed or whatever, I'm seriously wanting to discuss it, for anyone who's open to that right now.

I've never really fully not cared about what other people think, so I have little experience here. Does it really draw other people to you? I haven't consciously done it before, so it could be worth trying.
Its human ego to care how you are perceived, to what extent you let this control your though process is up to you. Unless you take psychedelic drugs/ transcendental meditate and experience ego death you are always going to care about how people view/think of you. (I've never experienced it but I have read about it and it interests me)
Ego death is when you personally experience your sense of identity, your sense of self, temporarily disappears. You are still seeing, hearing, smelling, perceiving but there is no longer a sense that "someone" is seeing or hearing, etc. It is pure sensory perception.
It is an experience of being intensely aware (as opposed to being asleep or unconscious) but without being burdened by the parts of our personality that make us "us".
Ego death is terrifying to some people, because they realize how their sense of self is not a solid thing, but something that changes from one moment to another.
Like I said in a PM I sent to you a while back, most people are completely forgotten after 3 generations, so when it comes to the big picture of life we are not that important so don't get hung up on the little things. It sounds like you need to get out of your head and stop over-analysing everything and just live. At the very least in your day-to-day life the best thing you can do is smile and have an optimistic attitude, people are drawn people who illuminate that sort of inner attractiveness (comfortable in your own skin, positive, charm, stability)

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whatever you guys said must have helped because I'm having an unusually great week

got a nice-ass haircut today too, so that's good

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