Crazy Eight wrote:Michaelf2225 wrote:forgot to post this
it's bad, but i'm learning
watch if you guys want; feedback would be greatly appreciated
Good work. Keep hitting the grind.
If I had one big piece of advice, it'd be to remember to somehow wrap everything that happens on screen up into the fundamental story being told, in this case: the strained relationship between your two leads. From the dialogue to the image, try to abide by this. Why do we see a montage of her making coffee? Does it tell us anything about her character or the story? What does the legal lingo conversation in the park have to do with their relationship? Could this stuff be cut with little effect on the narrative or the character's relationships? Just some things to think about. Good job though, you're in the right direction.
I appreciate the feedback since all I got from my lab was that the jump from City Hall to Penn's Landing which, while walkable, is like 3/4's of a mile and probably a bit unrealistic. It's a fair criticism, but not exactly what I was looking for
The whole legal conversation was a poor attempt at drawing a parallel between my female character's feelings and the feelings of this "crazy" lady that came into my male character's work - but, you're at least the second person that didn't see what I was trying to do, so I guess it didn't really work...
And yep, upon my rewatches of it, I definitely should have cut the montage - or, at least shorten it to just a shot or two. Seriously though, thanks for the advice!