i recently remembered i had one i never ever used so i wrote like a sentence about us lol. and that’s it.
Diary: A NolanFans Story
Posts: 8437
Joined:
August 2012
Here's mine: https://letterboxd.com/LelekPL/
Theories about how we're living in a hologram legit fuck me up. I spent like two hours reading about it yesterday and just now I was sort of crying because I was thinking "if we live in a hologram, why is our world so ugly? why are we so terrible?"
it really do be like that sometimes.
it really do be like that sometimes.
um
has the website been hacked
edit: i've lost track of the days of the month
has the website been hacked
edit: i've lost track of the days of the month
Posts: 8437
Joined:
August 2012
I want to rant so bad.
Just as I thought shit was getting better - finished my course of elidel, my skin completely cleared up and I thought omg everything may start to slowly go back to normal, I set up an appointment to do further tests w/my allergologist; shit came back. I woke up today TOTALLY fine, and then suddenly, within a matter of a few hours, I got the worst flare up I ever had - like I probs want to upload a pic of how I look atm, because it's so fucking bad. I won't do it, but it's atrocious. My eyes are so swollen it actually hurts to move them as I look around. The skin of my mouth area is fucking throbbing. And those areas looks like the color of a bright fucking cherry. I want to claw my entire face out. Prescription meds don't help. Covering this shit with makeup? Lol. Forget about it. And this isn't one of those "oh yea i have seasonal allergies so I just use a nose spray and pop a claritin before i go out" type of situations. I just. I feel like this is making me seriously depressed. It interferes with my life a lot, I can't do ANYTHING, because I don't know what's causing it, so I can't plan anything, and everything is so unpredictable. I couldn't do anything useful with my life in 2018 almost entirely because of this. And I feel like the same could happen this year, and it taps into my deepest existential fears, because I feel like I amount to nothing. And I know there are people who have serious life-threatening diseases or problems that matter so much more, but this makes me feel like such a shit I seriously want to cry so bad.
And I feel so vulnerable spilling this on the internet, but I don't want to burden my irl people once again, because they've heard it all before.
Just as I thought shit was getting better - finished my course of elidel, my skin completely cleared up and I thought omg everything may start to slowly go back to normal, I set up an appointment to do further tests w/my allergologist; shit came back. I woke up today TOTALLY fine, and then suddenly, within a matter of a few hours, I got the worst flare up I ever had - like I probs want to upload a pic of how I look atm, because it's so fucking bad. I won't do it, but it's atrocious. My eyes are so swollen it actually hurts to move them as I look around. The skin of my mouth area is fucking throbbing. And those areas looks like the color of a bright fucking cherry. I want to claw my entire face out. Prescription meds don't help. Covering this shit with makeup? Lol. Forget about it. And this isn't one of those "oh yea i have seasonal allergies so I just use a nose spray and pop a claritin before i go out" type of situations. I just. I feel like this is making me seriously depressed. It interferes with my life a lot, I can't do ANYTHING, because I don't know what's causing it, so I can't plan anything, and everything is so unpredictable. I couldn't do anything useful with my life in 2018 almost entirely because of this. And I feel like the same could happen this year, and it taps into my deepest existential fears, because I feel like I amount to nothing. And I know there are people who have serious life-threatening diseases or problems that matter so much more, but this makes me feel like such a shit I seriously want to cry so bad.
And I feel so vulnerable spilling this on the internet, but I don't want to burden my irl people once again, because they've heard it all before.
Fuck I'm so sorry that you're going through that.Ruth wrote: ↑April 3rd, 2019, 3:14 pmI want to rant so bad.
Just as I thought shit was getting better - finished my course of elidel, my skin completely cleared up and I thought omg everything may start to slowly go back to normal, I set up an appointment to do further tests w/my allergologist; shit came back. I woke up today TOTALLY fine, and then suddenly, within a matter of a few hours, I got the worst flare up I ever had - like I probs want to upload a pic of how I look atm, because it's so fucking bad. I won't do it, but it's atrocious. My eyes are so swollen it actually hurts to move them as I look around. The skin of my mouth area is fucking throbbing. And those areas looks like the color of a bright fucking cherry. I want to claw my entire face out. Prescription meds don't help. Covering this shit with makeup? Lol. Forget about it. And this isn't one of those "oh yea i have seasonal allergies so I just use a nose spray and pop a claritin before i go out" type of situations. I just. I feel like this is making me seriously depressed. It interferes with my life a lot, I can't do ANYTHING, because I don't know what's causing it, so I can't plan anything, and everything is so unpredictable. I couldn't do anything useful with my life in 2018 almost entirely because of this. And I feel like the same could happen this year, and it taps into my deepest existential fears, because I feel like I amount to nothing. And I know there are people who have serious life-threatening diseases or problems that matter so much more, but this makes me feel like such a shit I seriously want to cry so bad.
And I feel so vulnerable spilling this on the internet, but I don't want to burden my irl people once again, because they've heard it all before.
Is there a possibility to get a second or third opinion from other doctors? All I can say is document everything that happens when this type of stuff pops up. Write down what you ate, drank, the weather, what kind of material you wore, everything.
I hope this gets solved soon. Having had my own skin issues, I know how frustrating it is to not be able to do things when your skin decides to be awful.
Posts: 8437
Joined:
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I actually found a really good allergologist but neither of us can have a solid opinion on this YET, because I've yet to do some further testing. Atm we know I have mild allergy to dust, tree/grass pollen, but there's no pollen where I live right now. But coincidentally enough, she's on vacation atm, and comes back within a few weeks which is when I'm scheduled for an appointment. I really don't want to go through the hassle of looking for a new doctor and having to explain everything to them once again and listen to how "it's probably jUsT mAkEuP" be asked if I'd stopped wearing it yet. It's so frustrating. It's so so fucked. All I can do right now is sit at home and whine, and I've done plenty of that, and it just makes me hate myself so bad.Artemis wrote: ↑April 3rd, 2019, 3:17 pmFuck I'm so sorry that you're going through that.
Is there a possibility to get a second or third opinion from other doctors? All I can say is document everything that happens when this type of stuff pops up. Write down what you ate, drank, the weather, what kind of material you wore, everything.
I hope this gets solved soon. Having had my own skin issues, I know how frustrating it is to not be able to do things when your skin decides to be awful.
Honestly, I rather not give you the elitist routine of "Oh, but you need to understand that you are so much more than just a pretty face".
Anyone that gorgeous would understandably get upset with any skin issues. Hope you find the medical consult that solves this problem permanently for you, as soon as possible.
In the meantime may I recommend that you try and distract yourself by the kind of stuff that normally eases your mind and gives you temporarily pleasant feelings. What's worse than mere physical discomfort, is the type that also leads to psychological distress.£
Anyone that gorgeous would understandably get upset with any skin issues. Hope you find the medical consult that solves this problem permanently for you, as soon as possible.
In the meantime may I recommend that you try and distract yourself by the kind of stuff that normally eases your mind and gives you temporarily pleasant feelings. What's worse than mere physical discomfort, is the type that also leads to psychological distress.£
Posts: 8437
Joined:
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Thank you Virgo. I really dread people thinking I'm worried about this only because of my appearance or vanity. I'm not going to lie and say it's not fucking my self esteem, because I already have a ton of issues with how I perceive my looks.
But it's straight up a medical condition, and it causes me a lot of physical discomfort. This (and the unpredictability factor of it all) is also very "unprofessional".
But it's straight up a medical condition, and it causes me a lot of physical discomfort. This (and the unpredictability factor of it all) is also very "unprofessional".
Sorry bro
Hope it gets better for you and you find an efficient way to manage
And I say that knowing thats the best anyone can can hope for with chronic things like that.
Hope it gets better for you and you find an efficient way to manage
And I say that knowing thats the best anyone can can hope for with chronic things like that.
